On the 1 year anniversary of my dog Luna’s death I went for a walk through our favorite woods to the beach. What I had planned on being an hour-long trip turned into four, but allowed me to reconnect and gave me many new perspectives on the inner issues I’m tackling. (Because that’s where it all starts).
A really powerful one came to me as I was sitting on a checkered table cloth I had laid over the stones and sand of the beach. (The same one I sat on when I took Luna on her final walk there, days before she died.)
One inner turmoil I’ve been dealing with lately is the feeling of “Imposter Syndrome” when it comes to writing. When I first started my art business nearly 7 years ago, I was putting out blog posts every month or two. But in recent years I’ve been so “busy” that I’m lucky if I post a few a year.
As a result, writing has become this big “thing” in my mind with so much guilt, anguish, and fear built up behind it that it’s hard to move forward. Being vulnerable and putting this work out into the world hits one of my biggest triggers — a fear of being thought of as stupid. However, I know that writing is in my soul. I feel that itch to do it every day, just like I feel the itch to capture beautiful creatures and flowers in paint. It’s that good, soul-burning thing that needs to be scratched — where the strongest inspiration and drive is born.
Yet still, I can’t seem to get myself to do it :/
So I was sitting on this tablecloth, thinking about this inner dilemma and asking for guidance (I always ask my guides, my higher self, and now Luna because she feels like a guide to me on the other side). When suddenly I noticed a small red ladybug next to me and it drew my attention so strongly that I was suddenly sucked into the present moment, instead of my fears of for the future…
And I realized…
Fear doesn’t exist in the present moment
Fear is only born when you start projecting into the future what “might happen” and the possibilities that scare you.
Whereas, if you really tune in to the present moment, you’ll notice you’re actually safe. No matter what is going on around you (with extreme exceptions) — you are okay right now.
WHEN I NOTICED THIS SUDDEN ABSENCE OF FEAR, I ASKED MYSELF, “WHO AM I IN THIS MOMENT?”
And I suddenly felt so much more powerful. Instead of weak and scared, I saw myself as strong, peaceful, loving, and giving. I knew that everything was okay, that I was okay. I could see how easy it could be to offer my writing and ideas to the world from this place, and I felt at peace.
When the fear drops out like this it’s as if I can see my objectives again — the reason and purpose of my writing. Writing becomes less about what might happen and more about what I’m feeling inspired to do and give to the world in the moment. It becomes so much easier and lighter. Losing all that tension, control, neurosis, and blah.
Now every time I feel that imposter syndrome kick in and hold me back from writing, or sharing an offering with the world, I ask myself that question:
WHO AM I IN THIS MOMENT?
And I am drawn into the bliss and fearlessness that exists in the present moment, underneath all that worry.
Then, I can actually get shit done! Haha!
WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHO ARE YOU IN THIS MOMENT?
Really look. If you let go of all the b.s. — who are you? Are you some fearful little thing? Or are you capable, free, and strong?
What is your big fear? What is holding you back? Acknowledge that. And then say, “okay, but who am I in this moment”?
LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT TAKES PRACTICE
But the more you do it, the less stress and more peace bubbles up.
Thanks for taking the time to read this story. I hope you know you are not alone in your fears and self-judgments — we all have them. And we are all capable of overcoming them, it’s just about finding the right tools and perspectives to get you there.
Please share this article if you found it helpful!
Lots of Love,